The harsh reality!

Recently, I have been evaluating relationships, those in my life, and my contributions to humanity. I have begun by asking... do I deserve those who love me?  What have I done to earn their love or friendship?  Sadly, I have come to realize I am not a very good friend or confidant; I am to chicken $h!t to tell people what I think.  I have talked badly about people I should love and embrace, and the worse part of it is it's usually behind their back. I royally suck sometimes! It is shameful, but it's the truth.  After evaluating myself the question then turned into... what have those I have let in to my life done to earn my love and trust?  The truth?!?... Not much, because I trust and love blindly.  In fact, I am drawn to people that are broken.  Not that everyone in my life is broken, but those that I choose to give myself to the most are. It's confusing, but all I can do is work on myself and pray that everything else falls into place.  Then, I began thinking about why as a culture we sit and complain about our lives but never take action.  Should we blame ourselves? Our parents? Our teachers?  The answer is unclear!  All I know is we as a society embrace and in fact encourage mediocrity.  We are told from day one that we are "perfect", every kid gets a trophy! Therefore we accept our faults and just consider them as part of who we are, yet we have the power to change and shape ourselves. I heard the mother of all things recently; don't let your child open their presents during their birthday party, because it will make the other kids feel bad that they didn't get anything... SERIOUSLY!?! I don't give a flying monkey if your kid thinks they deserve a present on my child's birthday!  Disappointment is a part of life and is actually quite healthy!  The "everyone wins" mentality is filling our society with mediocre losers! Like not making the team... well damn it if it means that much to them they better try harder next year! If they truly want something they should have to work their @$$ off to get it; not just have it handed to them.  I apologize if this offends anyone, because that is truly not my intention... I am just very tired of people settling for less when they can be so much more!  This last statement includes myself... I live, love, and work half heartily and I pray it's something I can change.  At this point I want to say sorry to anyone I have hurt; there is no excuse for it.  I am very sorry and plan to work my hardest to earn not only your love but also your trust.  Thanks for taking the time to read this crazy rant :)